where I was yesterday (thoughts from St. Louis)

I spent a good deal of yesterday wandering in and around the Forest Park area. I then devoted a hefty chunk of time attempting to chronicle what good and ill I came across there in an endless, neurotically detailed blog. Upon waking this morning, I decided it was in everyone’s better interest to throw said blog away rather than spend any more time trying to resolve it.

The short of it was as follows…

Good: dogs playing in a fountain; an elephant doing a sort of dance before eating; a little girl mimicking a penguin; being completely surrounded by tall trees in the heart of St. Louis

Bad: a middle aged bohemian couple playing relationship games at a coffee shop; having my peace interrupted by the shouted directions and gaudy spectacle of a fashion/glamor photo shoot; a Hummer H3 with a Homeland Security/Fighting Terrorism license plate complete with graphic of the Twin Towers and personalized to read ‘SPY4U’ [I kid you not. Has anyone else seen this type of plate yet? I was floored, or I would have snapped a picture.]

The problem with this blog was that it was dominated by overwrought explanations of why the bad seemed bad to me, punctuated by whining about my personal challenges. All of this may have been cute on some level, but I don’t think it is a positive contribution to anyone’s day.

I had this idea in my head of trying to explain my ambivalent attitude toward culture/society/city-life, as though I might be able to spin my observations into some kind of moral fable. But I would only have been adding to the already overstuffed bestiary of human frailties.

I am not really an off-the-grid kind of guy, so that has never been the aim of my trip. I like cities and towns, houses and farms, schools, restaurants, and coffee shops. I think my ambivalence arises from the discomfort I experience when there is dissonance between my own ideas or moral compass and the people/culture I’m a part of. But this is my problem, not the people/culture’s. I think, more than anything, I am afraid I could turn into that bohemian couple or that fashion photographer.

The real trouble may be that I have not yet found how best to positively contribute to society. In other words, I may need an occupation. It’s something I’m mulling over.

Right now, I think I’ll spend some time at the art museum.

Pictures from yesterday:

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One Response to “where I was yesterday (thoughts from St. Louis)”

  1. Steve Says:

    Looks like Rachel made you a list.
    Do you have your tent yet?

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