surrender (proceed)

It is hard not to be apologetic in this posting.

On Wednesday afternoon I will board a train and make my way back to Missouri.

I wanted to try living here, but I wanted a certain kind of job to make it work and I had a certain amount of time (money) to find it in. I did not know how much time it would take to find the right job. I had a notion that on average it takes longer than I had to give it, but I wouldn’t characterize much in my life as average (who would?) and especially not the last two months of it. I had faith in my ability to conjure up a quick solution, and at one point, it almost seemed that I had. But it didn’t work out. Either I couldn’t make it work or I didn’t want to badly enough. Regardless, my financial spidy-senses started to tingle a few days ago, and I knew it was time to start rethinking my direction.

There were other possible job options for staying here. But what if I spent a year here doing a job I didn’t want to do? I didn’t find the attraction of staying to be enough to offset the balance of that scenario. I’d much rather do a job like that in Columbia, where I have a better chance of being able to put extra money away and plan for something better.

I like it here. I’ll consider coming back. But I have a strong suspicion that there are other cities I might ultimately prefer to settle in. I was able to imagine living here, but I was not able to imagine raising a family here. That’s something I want to do with my life. It’s probably possible to do it here, but I wasn’t able to see it on this visit. In fact, I had a hard time imagining my cats here, even though Traci and Eric’s were perfectly content in their apartment.

So, what now?

I’ll be looking for a job in Columbia. If you’ve been keeping up with this blog and you know of any openings, please pass the info along. I’m figuring on doing the CoMo thing for four to six months, putting money away, and looking into grad school.

Since my undergrad years, I have: discovered that preschool education, while rewarding and an altogether worthwhile profession, is not for me; had a good run in the business world; done a little adventuring; and come to terms with the realization that I’m kind of a homebody. I think I always knew that last one, but I’m through with fighting it. The next time I go on an adventure, I’m going to make better provisions for my post-adventure future.

Right now, I feel like the ideal scenario for the next year of my life would be: work, save money, get into a good grad program in a larger city, and maybe, if everything goes well and I get all of the grad school details squared away, go on an even longer bike ride. That said, life doesn’t always go according to plan, and the passing days have a way of changing our minds. When I was in the country, riding, I didn’t think I’d want to stay in the city; when I was in the city, I didn’t think I wanted to leave.

I have no regrets and I don’t think I’ll regret returning to CoMo either. I’m looking forward to seeing my family, friends, and cats, and I’m looking forward to spending the holidays at home. It really was a great ride.

And I’m still looking forward to see what comes next.


5 Responses to “surrender (proceed)”

  1. You Know Says:

    Cheer Up!! We will be glad to have you back..

  2. Erin Says:

    Well we will be glad to see you! Good luck with the job search, as we will be competing for some of the same positions, I am sure. I am looking for temporary, no weekends, pay enough to be worth it but work not stressful enough to make me care about it. Ha!!!! As if that exists.
    Anyway, call us when you are back. And if you ever want a night away from your mom’s or if she wants you out for a night, you can always stay in the spare room! 😉

  3. Steve Says:

    It’s time for a resetting

  4. Rachel Smith Says:

    you’ve got nothing to prove to anyone… Do as you please! See you sooner than later this way!!!!

  5. Jennifer Says:

    Well, in planning for your return for the last few days that I have known about it, I have been extremely happy and glad that I’m going to get to see you again and glad that you will be here for the holidays. Turns out that I really love my little brother!

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